Nagging Insecurities

I've always been a little insecure. During certain times of my life those insecurities have been paralyzing (think high school) and at other times they've been almost non-existent (think college).

When I met JG on that fateful day in the grocery store, I thought to myself... "Wow! If I could pick my perfect guy, that is what I would want."  (All of this was based on looks, of course....  Call me shallow).  Aisle after aisle I hoped JG would make the first move, but he didn't. I had flashbacks to a guy who blew me off a few months earlier and that episode crushed my confidence for some reason.  The level of my insecurities were an 18 on a scale of 1 to 10 and the thought of putting myself (and my heart) out there again made me nauseous....  So after about 10 minutes of hoping JG would make the first move, I thought to myself, Forget that jerk (the previous guy, not JG)... I'm going to make the first move one more time even if it means I go down in flames. I am so glad I did.  As you can see, it all worked out!

Even today, ring on hand, I still have little insecurities. Its something I think I will always have.  All those years I was single I thought marriage would be the end of the nagging insecurities... 

Uh..No...  

For example, growing up I never felt like I was a natural beauty and to this day I hate to be seen without makeup... Even by my husband.  I'm not one of those weirdos who purposely gets up before their hubby and put on a full face of makeup... Oh no, no, no... JG has to put up with the Amish look in the morning (no offense to the Amish), I'm just sayin'.... I don't like it.  We've lived together now for two years and I still feel that way.  You don't have to tell me... silly, I know.  

There are other little insecurities that I will keep to myself (for now).  I guess I just felt the need to vent.  Whether its right or wrong to feel this way, its the way I feel.  Even though JG and I have been together for nearly 4 years, I guess we are still adjusting and figuring each other out.   And you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Editor's note:  My mother has informed me that after the kids come there will be no time for insecurities.  

Image via ^^LilMary^^'s Flickr stream